Something to know about Jeff and I, we are talkers. Ever since the first conversations he and I dug deep into knowing about each other. Part of it is that we both had lots of first dates and we valued our time being a little older, so cut to the chase with the important “must know” deal-breaker questions out the gate. Ever since we continued to have long conversations about anything/everything and dabbled in books as well to explore additional levels of ourselves both as a couple and individually. My mom jokingly (still) asks us if we ever get tired of talking to each other, the answer… still no. 😉
I bring this back-up story to say, recently (Tuesday night) we got into a conversation talking about why we think our relationship seems so “easy” and the source of our happiness. I share this not to boast or brag about our relationship, but we found it as a valuable conversation to “check-in” if you will on where we were at as a couple, and focus on the positive attributes and things that have and continue to work. It also allowed us to be mindful where there is room for improvement!
It came down to 7 key factors:
- Very Similar Values: we share a deep rooted interest to maintain and grow our relationship(s) with God, our families and our closest friends.
- We were happy in our lives before meeting each other; essentially coming into this relationship as two whole people: this we found was an important factor, neither one of us was coming in lookin to fix or to change the other person but to enjoy the lives we built separately and how they would blend together as we grow. We still are working through this, if I’m to be honest, as we learn the quirky things we each do. As we prepare for baby I am sure this will change even more!
- We both knew what we wanted from a relationship coming in: we knew from the first conversations that we both were not looking solely to date and enjoy company, but to find a deep connection that would lead into a marriage. Pre-marriage counseling and our books we read leading up to that point definitely helped guide the conversations, but will say we were pretty aligned in most of the hot button topics: thoughts of marriage and divorce, thoughts on family growth and dynamic, thoughts on how religion and faith would be incorporated into our every day lives, thoughts on money, thoughts on career planning, & thoughts on what a healthy marriage looks like decades later.
- Both surround ourselves with positive & growing relationships: We both have been extremely blessed to be surrounded by so much love, support and positive people. They say the energy frequency you give is reciprocated, but we truly think it has come back to us 10 -fold. We both have valued keeping those around us be the ones who share the same values/foundation as we do, and both value steering away from toxic relationships. I mean why spend time being upset/mad/complaining when you can enjoy the beautiful life we can choose to live!
- Financially secure and stable before coming in with similar ideas about finance/money: They say 80% of most marriages end in divorce over money. Can you believe that?! Well, thankfully even early on in our separate lives we both valued limited debt and capitalizing on opportunities that propel us toward happiness but also financial freedom. We both entered our relationship debt free with the exception of our mortgages. Pretty proud of that! That has flowed into how we spend and value saving, investing and even splurging on memory-making adventures. 🙂
- Overlapping Hobbies: We both were pleasantly surprised when we found that our interests include active sports (rock climbing, hiking, swimming, biking, etc). This has allowed us to more easily plan day dates/vacations/times with friends and family.
- The desire to grow as people and be impactful to those we are around: professionally and as individuals we are constantly thinking and talking (LOL) through what we can do to improve. What positive influence can we provide in the relationships and conversations we carry? You can spend hours just talking about this one alone!
Would love to hear your success story and key factors from your relationship/marriages that has helped you stay happy too! Heck, the more tips/suggestions the better!